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Expensive vs. Costly: The Difference That Changes Everything

| THE EPISTOLARIAN |

When I was a little girl, visiting Neiman Marcus in San Francisco with my grandmother was always a highlight. My sister and I loved the grandness of it all—the stained glass ceiling in the Rotunda, the elegant atmosphere, and most of all, the massive popovers served with strawberry butter at lunch. Afterward, we’d wander through the store, marveling (and often gasping) at the prices. For two young girls from a family that preferred clothing to fashion, seeing boots priced at $600 in the mid-90s seemed outrageous.

Detail of the Neiman Marcus Ceiling (More about this masterpiece in the postscript)

In those moments, I felt a strange mix of belonging and alienation. Being in Neiman Marcus was magical, yet I also felt like an outsider, as though I didn’t belong in that world of elegance and extravagance. There was a small, unspoken shame in me—a feeling that I was too grubby, too uncultured for such beautiful things. My sister and I would laugh at the outrageous prices, part out of genuine shock and part as a defense mechanism. It was our way of distancing ourselves from what felt unattainable. In our minds, the people who spent so much on such extravagant things were clearly being taken for fools.

As I’ve grown older, I’ve learned to rethink those early judgments. The term “Needless Markup” instead of Neiman Marcus makes me aware that the judgement wasn’t purely my own, but I’ve come to understand the difference between something being expensive and something being costly. Expensive things are often marked up for status, offering little more than a label or trend-driven design. Costly things, on the other hand, are priced for their quality, craftsmanship, and the experience they provide. Knowing how to spot the difference is crucial. While expensive things can leave you feeling regretful, costly things can transform your life, offering lasting value and joy.

Lately, I’ve been exploring the concept of the quaintrelle—a term that historically refers to a woman who lives a life of passion, beauty, and leisure. While it originated as a feminine ideal, I believe its essence can be embraced by anyone. The quaintrelle reminds us that joy, beauty, and delight are not frivolous—they are virtuous and essential parts of a meaningful life. Yet, I find myself hesitating at times, fearing judgment. Will people think I’m lazy or frivolous? Will they dismiss my work as a wax seal maker, crafting items that are costly, not cheap? I can almost hear the side conversations: Is it really worth it? The same questions my sister and I asked about those boots all those years ago.

Detail of the Love Letter by Fragonard

But here’s the thing: the quaintrelle life doesn’t have to be expensive. What it does require is an appreciation for quality, for choosing to surround yourself with things that bring joy and elevate your experience. Using better materials—paints with richer pigments, luxury sealing wax, or a beautifully engraved wax seal—makes a difference not only in the final result but in the process itself. The quaintrelle reminds us that we are worthy of these finer things, that investing in beauty and quality is a form of self-love and care.

Looking back, I now cherish the items my grandmother purchased at Neiman Marcus. Her hand-blown glass Christmas ornaments are still the most treasured pieces on my tree, nearly 30 years later. Her spiral glass bowls remain a favorite for serving ice cream or fruit, their elegance enhancing even the simplest moments. I imagine there were people back then who thought those purchases were extravagant or unnecessary, but their enduring value has proven otherwise.

This is the vision I hold for the Hastings Étui. It’s not just about creating something beautiful; it’s about crafting something that lasts—a piece that elevates both the experience of writing and the legacy of the message itself. Investing in quality, whether it’s an object or an experience, is a gift to yourself and those around you.

For me, this is still a journey. As a recovering scrappy kid, I’m learning to allow myself a few treasured things that bring me joy and beauty each day. My Étui is one of those things. I carry it will me at all times and marvel at its beauty.

I invite you to explore how you might embody the spirit of the quaintrelle in your own life. What small, luxurious experiences bring you joy? What items bring ease, beauty, and meaning to your everyday?

As I continue to explore and share the philosophy of the quaintrelle, I hope it inspires you to embrace life’s finer moments with confidence and delight. Whether it’s a cherished object, a meaningful ritual, or simply allowing yourself a little more leisure, remember: you are worthy of joy, beauty, and the very best life has to offer.

The Valentine's Penny

This Friday at 12 PM Pacific, I’m unveiling something truly special—the first Hastings Étui penny. With only 49 available, these exquisite pieces make the perfect keepsake for Valentine’s Day. You will be able to order this Friday, January 31st. Your Penny should ship to you by February 10th.

This two-sided design is steeped in symbolism and history. On the obverse, a cherub rides a Weimaraner beneath the inscription La Fidélité Me Conduit (“Faithfulness guides me”). The cherub, representing love, is led by the dog, an allegory of loyalty—a motif that holds deep significance as the first Collector’s Seal I ever created.

The reverse features a beautifully rendered bow, a timeless emblem of connection and one of my all-time favorite motifs.

Limited in number but rich in meaning, this penny embodies love, devotion, and artistry—don’t miss your chance to own one.

The tails side shows the most perfect bow, which is also a forever favorite Kathryn Hastings motif.

Details of the First Penny Launching this Friday
Detail of the Cherub - Look at those wings
Detail of the Bow, which even has a linen texture to the ribbon. It requires a loupe to see, but is incredibly detailed.

A Rare Opportunity: The First Collector’s Seal

I’m releasing a limited quantity of the very first Collector’s Seal—a truly special piece in the world of Kathryn Hastings Collecting.

Read More

This seal features the same evocative motif of a cherub riding a dog, symbolizing love guided by loyalty. What makes it extraordinary is its beautifully sculpted cherub handle, a rare and distinctive detail. The main difference from the original edition is the wings—while the first iteration had gold-painted wings, this version remains unpainted, highlighting the purity of its form.

Though not listed in the register, each seal bears my artist’s signature, making it a unique and meaningful marker of this moment in Kathryn Hastings Collecting. With only a few available, this is a rare chance to own a piece of the story.

Buy Here
Detail of the handle with Kathryn Hastings artist signature

France is Full!

I’m beyond excited to announce that the Loire Retreat 2026 is officially full! Thank you to everyone who has joined—I can’t wait to share more about this incredible experience with you.

If you missed this one but are dreaming of a future retreat, you’ll be thrilled to know that I’m hoping to take us to Jaipur in 2027. Stay tuned for more details, and I hope to see you there! ✨

Color of the Week: Austerlitz

Named after the historic Battle of Austerlitz, this wax pays homage to Prince Andrei Bolkonsky’s revelation in War and Peace. As he lies wounded on the battlefield, gazing up at the vast sky, he is overcome by a profound sense of clarity and detachment—a moment of both surrender and transcendence.

Rendered in a serene, light blue hue, Austerlitz sealing wax embodies the stillness and introspection of that scene. Its delicate yet commanding presence evokes the quiet grandeur of an open sky—offering a touch of literary depth, history, and refinement to every letter and seal.

Austerlitz Bundle

With love and gratitude,

 

Kathryn

PS: If you loved the stained glass, you might enjoy the story behind it. Before Neiman Marcus occupied the space, the building housed the renowned City of Paris department store, a historic establishment with deep roots in San Francisco’s Gold Rush era.

The store's origins trace back to 1850 when brothers Félix and Émile Verdier, former silk-stocking manufacturers from Nîmes and Paris, arrived in San Francisco aboard the Ville de Paris—a ship laden with luxury goods including silks, laces, fine wines, champagne, and Cognac. As soon as they docked, eager San Franciscans surrounded the vessel in rowboats, purchasing the entire cargo without it ever being unloaded. Many transactions were even made with bags of gold dust.

Seeing the demand, Émile quickly returned to France to restock, and by 1851, he had opened a small storefront at 152 Kearney Street under the name City of Paris. The store’s Latin motto, Fluctuat nec mergitur (“It floats and never sinks”), was borrowed from the official seal of Paris—a fitting tribute to its origins and resilience.

Today, remnants of this storied past remain in the Neiman Marcus building, most notably its breathtaking stained-glass dome, a striking architectural feature preserved from the original City of Paris store.

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