Whenever a thought arises during meditation, I delicately pop it like a feather grazing a bubble and softly acknowledge it as "thinking." If my inner tone sounds critical or harsh in any way, I repeat "thinking" until it eases. This is a technique I learned years ago from listening to Pema Chödrön, an ordained American Tibetan-Buddhist nun. The aim is to notice and dissolve thoughts with compassion. Effective meditation nurtures maitrī, a sense of loving-kindness.
A new practice I'm integrating for handling daily challenges with a similar gentleness is "à la poubelle," French for "into the rubbish bin." When thoughts of self-doubt, criticism, or conforming to others emerge, I utter "à la poubelle" and apply the gentleness I learned from Pema during meditation.
Reflecting on past errors? À la poubelle!
Worries about appearance hindering success?À la poubelle!
Comparisons with others? À la poubelle!
The list of à la poubelle-ables goes on and on… With practice, this tool has become a daily reminder of being kind to myself and letting the things that don’t serve me fall away. What can you say "à la poubelle" ?
Pernez Garde
A rodent sits outside of a trap, unharmed but in eminent danger. The inscription is always a warning. One reads "Pernez Garde," (Beware) and the other "Beware."
These seals remind us of the danger of traps, both real and figurative.
Two Seals with the same motif. The larger seal is the French Seal inscribed "Prenez Garde" and the smaller seal is inscribed "Beware."
A couple weeks ago, I was ruminating over a mean thing someone online said. Pursuing a life of passion, regardless of what it is, ensures both supports and naysayers. The more people you reach, the more people will resonate with your message, BUT invariably, there will be critics too.
Here's the thing though... even though we know that we can't please everyone, there is sometimes still the illusion of total harmony. I can be in a room in which 99 people love what I do, but the one person who doesn't sticks in my mind. I deeply want to understand WHY.
When I launched Kathryn Hastings, a woman suggested that I decrease my prices. I literally couldn't lower my prices to stay afloat (antiques be 💸💸💸), but I thought I could at least win her over. I was sure once she saw the quality of my work she would agree that my prices were at least fair, if not a bargain.
I sent her a pack of seals that I crafted with my best attention. When I asked her what she thought and explained what went into everything, she just said, "ya, but if they were cheaper you'd sell more." Sigh. Naysayer not yea swayed.
Her opinion of the value of my work? À la poubelle!
Similarly last year, a woman DMed me a nasty message about what a bad person for owning a large collection of antiques. I didn't (and still don't) believe it's bad to have a large collection of antiques or that I'm "greedy" for collecting. After all, having a collection allows me to offer so much and share this art with the world. I love YOU, and couldn't have found YOU without the collection. The collection is a privilege, for which I'm eternally grateful.
I took a few days to think before crafting a thoughtful message back to the woman. I shared my mission with my collection and how her message triggered my own insecurities.
The result? Silence followed by her quick unfollowing.
Yet another naysayer un-yea-swayed. À la poubelle!
These experiences have taught me a valuable lesson: I cannot sway individuals who don't hold the same values as I do. It's a simple fact.
My friend, Angela, shared this post recently with me from Mel Robbins, in which made some critical points:
- You're looking for validation from people who don't even understand themselves.
- If you wouldn't trade your life with someone, why on earth do you care what they think?
- You will never be criticized by people doing more than you.
- Stop asking people who are miserable or unqualified to validate your happiness.
- YOU. You are good enough. You can make it. You deserve your dreams.
Do any of those land with you? If so, which ones?
The imagery of the rat trap seals serves as a reminder to sidestep such traps. Avoid investing energy in individuals who fail to recognize their own worth, rendering them unable to acknowledge yours. It's indeed a trap. Consulting advice from those mired in unhappiness is equally entangling. And as for all the other weighty matters? À la poubelle!
Featured Wax Color: Patsy
Much like the rare timbre of Patsy Cline's voice—a fusion of silk and steel—this sealing wax embodies a delicate yet strong character. Just as Patsy's voice resonated in perfect harmony with her emotions, this dusty pink hue symbolizes the intricate dance between vulnerability and strength.
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Patsy Cline's music was a canvas upon which she painted the raw emotions of her life, sharing her experiences unreservedly with the world. This wax, a tribute to her spirit, encourages a similar audacity to be oneself, unapologetically and unconditionally.
If you're not a fan of Patsy Cline yet, you might like this playlist of my favorite songs of hers.
PS: I learned the phrase, "À la poubelle" from Gstaad Guy on TikTok. He uses the phrase slightly different, but you'll get the gist...
PPS: Let's take a moment to appreciate the usefulness of this emoji, when helping our friends toss things "à la poubelle.
With love my lovelies,